You might be a people-pleaser if…
Last week I asked you if you are a people pleaser?
The truth is, people-pleasing is so insidious and has become so normal to many of us that we might not even realize it.
So please allow me to ask you a few more questions.
Are you the one that everyone comes to get things done?
Do you ever feel responsible for other people and circumstances that are not your responsibility?
Do you wear that as a badge of honor?
Does your busyness and overwhelm sometimes feel noble to you?
Do you often do things you don’t want to do?
Have you ever thought, I don’t have a choice?
Are you overly concerned with other people’s feelings and do things you don’t want to do so they won’t feel bad?
Is the feeling of guilt a common experience for you?
Do you worry about what other people think of you?
Do you put other people's needs ahead of your own, maybe to the point of neglecting your wellbeing?
Does the thought of telling someone no make you feel ill?
Do you ever make excuses or lie to avoid conflict?
People-pleasing can be on a spectrum, of course, so you may not relate to all of these, but I did.
For me, people-pleasing was so encompassing that I couldn’t even relax in my home if my family was there.
I felt like “I should be available to everyone at all times.”
At any minute, someone could need or want something, and I believed it was my
job to be available for whatever they needed.
So even if no one ever needed anything, I couldn’t relax and focus on what I wanted to because, in my mind, at any moment, I could be interrupted and would have to drop everything.
I must emphasize that my family did not create this. I did.
My belief system about what a good daughter, mom, wife, person is supposed to do created my inability to rest and enjoy my life.
I could only relax and do something for me if everything else and everyone else was taken care of.
Family responsibility was just one part, there was also my job, church, volunteer, neighbors, extended family, and friends.
My sense of over-responsibility created chronic stress and overwhelm, which became my normal state of being.
Can you relate to any of this?
If so, stick with me. I will give you some tips on overcoming people-pleasing in the coming weeks, but the first and most important step for change to occur is always awareness.
There is an easier way to live.
Believe it or not, there are many options that include your needs being equally important to others.
Not more important, but equally important.
I didn’t know that for a long time, and I felt enslaved.
My mission today is to set the people-pleasing prisoners free.
Next week I’ll share more about the why of people-pleasing, but for this week, honestly answer these questions for yourself and notice if people-pleasing is affecting your daily life.
And if you need a little hope for what’s possible,
please read this post that my client Rachel shared on Facebook last week.
“I think I can say that for most of us life has been unusual, stressful, uncertain and life altering in many ways during the last 2 years.
I have learned to seek peace by not watching the news, not scrolling through social media, and stopping the hustle. I have spent the last 20 years being overly ambitious all the while raising a family. I woke up and went to bed full speed ahead. Last November I hit a wall.
I found an incredible coach, Marcy Melton Kocher referred to me by one of my BFF’s, Michelle Marie. I worked with Marcy for 6 months to learn how to let go of all the things that were stealing my peace- things that were no longer serving me. It was hard. The guilt of letting go was painful. If you are a people pleaser you may be able to relate.
It is almost a year later from when I felt like I hit my bottom. My brain is now quiet. My soul is peaceful. My marriage is the best it’s ever been. My life is full of joy, love and the ultimate PEACE.
If you are struggling, slow down, take care of you. Let go of the things and people who no longer serve you. If you need guidance, pm me and I will give you Marcy’s number. She made such a HUGE difference in my life. I am so grateful.
For those of you who have reached out, thank you for caring. I am good. I am real good❤️🙌😘”