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  • Writer's pictureMarcy Kocher

Why Gossip Feels So Good

Updated: Nov 4, 2022

You know that feeling you get in a good gossip session?

It’s a little energizing.

You feel connected to the person you’re talking to.

You’re sharing thoughts and feelings.

You’re in agreement.

You’re secretly talking about something you wouldn’t want the person you are talking about to hear.

It feels risky, and it feels like bonding.

At the moment, it feels good.

I’ve certainly been guilty of this more than I care to admit.

But recently, I’ve been on the other end of gossip.

When we find out people are gossiping about us, it’s the opposite of bonding.

It’s painful and disconnecting.

Why do we do it?

Because we’re human, and we all desire connection and intimacy.

Intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability, at its core, is risky.

Gossip creates a false sense of intimacy.

It’s false because you aren’t risking yourself.

You’re talking about another person and their vulnerabilities.

You aren’t risking hurting yourself. You’re hurting someone else.

You aren’t exposing yourself. You’re exposing someone else.


Why does it matter?

Because deep down, you know you aren’t this person.

Deep down, you’re not only creating distrust with the person you’re gossiping about but also with yourself.

It might feel good at the moment, but later it feels terrible.

Recently, someone gossiped about me, and it hurt.

Someone misunderstood me, misjudged me, and didn’t allow me to clarify.

But I’m okay.

Because I understand me, I love me, and I have my own back no matter what.

Sometimes people are wrong about us.

And I’m so thankful that I have the tools to feel the pain and lovingly nurture myself through it.

Sometimes people will say and do things that hurt us.

It’s just part of life, so why doesn’t anyone teach us how to handle this?

That’s what I do as a life coach. I teach you how to do life well.

I teach you a process that doesn’t leave you at the mercy of other people's actions.

I teach you how to handle all of life and show up as your best self.

I can’t tell you how powerfully liberating this is.


Sometimes we gossip, and sometimes we’re gossiped about.

Understand that at our core, we all want love, intimacy, and connection.

As I feel and heal from this experience, I choose to learn from it and be less likely to hurt others with my gossip.

We all get to choose how to respond to the hurts in life.

I want my response to contribute to more love, even if it’s just my little part of the world.

It all trickles down.

It all matters.

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