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  • Writer's pictureMarcy Kocher

What Fear Looks Like

It’s essential to get to know fear.

When we begin to recognize it and understand its purpose, we can manage it.

Its purpose is to keep us safe.

I like to think of it as a well-meaning but somewhat misguided friend.

Recognizing it, on the other hand, is sometimes tricky.

What does it look like?

I bet most of us would say that we’re not a particularly fearful person.

I know I would.

I’m mostly confident. I don’t usually overreact. I don’t scream when I see a spider.

But fear is clever and a little sneaky and shows up in ways that we’re often not aware of.

Here are some ways fear might be showing up in your life:

  • Scarcity thinking: “There isn’t enough,” and “I’m not enough.”

  • Procrastination: “It’s too hard” and “I don’t know how to” thoughts.

  • Judgment: “Black or White” and overly critical thinking.

  • Emotional disconnection and numbing behavior like overeating, over-drinking, overworking, over Facebooking and over Netflixing, etc.


When you learn to think on purpose, to intentionally manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you can begin to show up to your life like this:

  • Instead of scarcity, there is abundance.

  • Instead of hard, there is ease.

  • Instead of “I have to,” there is, “I want to.”

  • Instead of judgment, there is curiosity and understanding.

  • Instead of emotional disconnection, there is healthy emotional processing, connection, and growth.

  • Instead of fear, there is peace, abundance, and love.


Typically, no one teaches us how to think and feel, so many of us are just doing our best to survive.

But if you want to do more than survive, if you want to thrive, if you want to live your life on purpose with passion and with peace, then you must learn to think and feel intentionally and overcome your sneaky, subconscious, survival fear response.

That’s what I help my clients do.

Take a minute and imagine living your life in abundance, ease, understanding, and connection? What would your life look like? What would it feel like?

Be very specific. Your brain wants to help you get there. You simply have to learn how to tell it where to go.

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