I teach my clients that there are only four things they ever have control over:
Their thoughts, their feelings, their actions, and their experience.
And trust me, those are four very powerful things.
They learn that their thoughts create their feelings and their feelings drive their actions, and their actions create their experience.
The logical conclusion is, only have thoughts that create good feelings to be happy all the time.
Makes sense.
But the premise of, I should be happy all the time, is flawed.
The truth is, if we want to be fully human and fully ourselves, we don’t want to be happy all the time.
That’s just weird.
Do you want to be happy when your child is struggling?
Do you want to be happy when a loved one is sick or dying?
Do you want to be happy when something terrible happens in the world?
Of course not; that’s psychopathic.
As humans we have a wide range of experiences and a wide range of emotions.
That’s a beautiful thing.
What’s not beautiful is when we pretend to be happy and positive when we aren’t.
You know what I’m talking about.
You aren’t fooling anyone.
Not even yourself.
It’s disconnecting, dishonoring, and dishonest to yourself and others.
Pretending prevents us from being real, vulnerable, honest, and trustworthy.
No one wants you to be happy and positive ALL the time.
That’s not my goal in teaching you to manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
The goal is to be aware, conscious, and purposeful.
To be authentic.
We learn to manage our thoughts, feelings, and actions so we can be more intentional, more grounded, less reactive, and live a more authentic life that honors us and others no matter what happens.
Pretending to be happy or positive does not serve you or anyone else.
Being fully human, fully you, fully accepting, understanding, and honoring all the emotions is what you and the world are longing for.