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  • Marcy Kocher

I Don’t like Goals

I have a confession.


I don’t like goals. 


I don’t even like the word goal.


As soon as I think about it, I feel pressure and resistance. 


It's not the best thing for a life coach to admit.


I mean, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want. 


But here’s the thing: my brain tends to be a little rebellious. 


It’s taken some work, but I’ve grown to like and admire that quality in myself. 


Sometimes, it works for me, like when I question the status quo and don’t go along with the crowd. 


It fosters independent thinking, creativity, and growth. 


And sometimes it works against me, like when I want to accomplish something, and it doesn’t want to. 


Then, it fosters pressure and procrastination. 


It’s really good to know and accept this about myself so I don’t beat myself up with self-criticism and shame.


I just figure out a way to get my brain on board. 


If you have a brain like mine, there are many tools you can use to encourage it to work for you instead of against you.


I’d like to share one with you today.


Last week, I shared how vital fun is to a well-lived, joyful life. 


And part of fun is connection. 


Connection with yourself is fuel for getting things done in a fun and joyful way. 


Most of us are disconnected from ourselves.


We’re living a very functional, task-oriented life. 


We make our to-do lists, check them off, and move on to the next thing. 


We push, force, and drive ourselves to go, go, go. 


Can you imagine treating your loved ones like that? 


It wouldn’t create a very loving, trusting relationship. 


If we want a joyful life, our relationship with ourselves should be conscious, connected, and compassionate. 



So, a great way to get my brain to cooperate is to first connect to myself regarding the task I want to accomplish. 


Not what I HAVE to accomplish, which sounds like an order to my rebellious brain, but what I WANT to do. 


Superficially, I might believe I don’t want to do it.


Like, decluttering and cleaning my basement, a “goal” I’ve been putting off for about six years - ugh. 


When I think I HAVE to clean the basement, it feels big, hard, and overwhelming. 


My brain is not into that at all. 


But it is into feeling happy, and I feel happy when my home is clean and organized. 


So, ultimately, I WANT to clean my basement. 


It will bring me joy. 


That is motivating, and now my brain will work with me to break the overwhelming task into smaller tasks and ease into it.


Or ask for help.


Or hire someone - that sounds even better. 



So, that’s the tool. 


Stop thinking you HAVE to do something that feels heavy and hard and discover why you WANT to do it to create a feeling of peace and ease. 


Stop focusing on what you DON’T want, such as cleaning the basement, and focus on what you DO want, such as walking into a clean, beautifully organized room and knowing exactly where everything is. 


When you focus on what you want and feel good about it, it’s like programming your GPS (aka your brain) to take you there. 


You can apply this tool to anything you want to accomplish. 


This is one way we train our brains to work smarter, not harder. 



Now, your brain is no fool, so you can’t just tell it you want to. 


You have to dig around and go a little deeper to find reasons that it believes. 


This requires trust. 


Next week, I’ll share a fun tool I use to create trust with myself that helps me get things done.

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