Updated: Jul 31, 2022
How we tell the stories of our lives determines our future.
This is backed by research.
Psychologist and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman found that one of the best predictors of whether a marriage will last is how you tell the story of how you met.
“John Gottman conducted a study based on oral interviews with 95 newlywed couples.
His predictions are based on perceived marital bonds.
Couples were asked about their relationship, mutual history, and philosophy towards marriage.
The interview measured the couple's perceptions of shared history and marriage by focusing on the positive or negative qualities of the relationship expressed in the telling of the story.
To measure each spouse’s perception about the marriage and each other, the interviewer listened to the couple’s negative or positive experiences.
Therefore, the couples' perception was used to predict whether they would gain marital stability or end up divorced.
The more positive their perceptions and attitudes were about their marriage and each other, the more stable the marriage.
Gottman's model fit with 87.4% accuracy for classifying couples who divorce (or not) within the couples' first five years of marriage.”
Gottman could predict with 87.4% accuracy if a couple would eventually divorce by the way they told their story.
Successful relationships are not dependent on the circumstances of your life but on how you perceive those circumstances, literally how you think and feel about them.
This is good news!
You can’t always control what life hands you, but when you learn how, you can be in control of how you think and feel about them.
Once you’re aware of your story, you can objectively ask if that story is serving you individually and relationally.
Is that story creating love, support, admiration, affection, and friendship?
Or is that story creating criticism, contempt, distance, and disconnection?
Is it creating a fond sense of we or an isolating sense of me?
It’s not too late.
You can decide to retell your story if it isn’t getting you desired results.
Sometimes we are so caught up in our stories that we don’t even know what they are and what they are producing for us.
You may need the help of a person on the outside.
That’s my job.
I help you see clearly so you can find, tell and live the narrative you were born to live.
If you’re ready to experience relationships based on friendship, meaning, affection, and so much more, hit reply to request a free one-hour phone consultation.
Our stories are optional.
Telling your story from negativity only gives you access to more negativity.
Being willing to see your story in a positive light gives you access to love and abundance.