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  • Writer's pictureMarcy Kocher

How to Fall in Love

Being IN LOVE is one of the best feelings on earth, and with the right mindset tools, you can feel it whenever you want.

We can choose to be IN LOVE with our partner, our kids, our in-laws, our jobs or business, and our lives.

I know it doesn’t always seem like feeling love is a choice.

We are taught that love is something that happens TO us.

So we LOOK for love like it’s somewhere outside of us.

We say we’re FALLING in or out of love like it’s outside of our control.

But love is always available because we create it with our thoughts.

You create it by the way you think about someone or something.

Consider a new romantic relationship.

You are in a state of possibility, so your mind is open.

You want to “find” love, so you subconsciously program your brain to look for the positive.

You are both showing up as your best self to impress, so it’s easier to find all the things you like about them.

Your brain is looking for things to love about them because you have told it to do so.

And you will always find what you are looking for.

Love isn’t a cosmic, magical thing that happens to you.

You aren’t lucky in love.

You created it in your mind.

However, over time, we slip back into our unconscious default mode, and our brain starts to look for the negative.

This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong.

In a state of unconsciousness your brain’s job is to look for danger, aka negative default mode.

But if you created love in your mind, you can recreate it.

It takes time, focus, intention, and energy, but it’s possible.

To get out of default mode, which by the way, rarely serves you, you have to be intentional.

You have to give your brain very clear instructions, so it will help you get what you want.


If you want to feel love, here are a few suggestions:

DECIDE you want to feel love.

Be very clear about WHY you want to feel love.

Love your reasons.

Think, on purpose, of all the things you love about someone or something.

Pick a few that make you FEEL love in your body.

Practice thinking and feeling them several times a day.

When you are feeling the love, ask yourself what you want to do regarding the relationship.

Maybe you want to compliment them, tell them what you love about them.

Or maybe you want to thank them for something you’ve been taking for granted.

Maybe you want to initiate spending some time together.

You could pursue them, call them, ask them what’s going on in their world, LISTEN, get to know them more intimately.

You could try laughing with them.

Laughter releases powerful chemicals in your brain that create bonding.

You could look at photo albums together and bond over shared memories.

Ask yourself, from the energy of love, what do I want to do, how do I want to show up, who do I want to be in this relationship, and watch your brain go to work for you.


I know it feels like you don’t have a choice.

It feels like the people in your life are creating the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing.

But I promise you; you can have 100% control over your experience if you choose to.

Living a life of love is not luck. It’s a skill. I learned it, and I can teach you.

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