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  • Writer's pictureMarcy Kocher

How to be Compassionate With Yourself

Self-compassion is a critical component of developing an extraordinary life.

But how do we do it?

It’s all in the way you talk to yourself.

Like everything, it starts with awareness.

Are there areas in your life that you tend to be harsh with yourself?

Is it when you look in the mirror?

That used to be a hard one for me.

I never had anything nice to say to myself about my appearance.

My go-to thoughts were, “ugh, I look so gross, or I look disgusting.”

Is it in social situations?

Do you ever think, “That was stupid; why did you say that?”

I used to think, “I’m so obnoxious. I talk too much. No one likes me.”

Is it in your work life?

Do you ever think, “I’m so unorganized? I’m such a procrastinator.

I should have gotten this done by now. I’m so behind.

Everyone is better at this than me. I’ll never get this.”

Do you ever think?

“What’s wrong with me? I wish I were different. Why can’t I be more like …?

I always…, I never….”

These are common human thoughts. Most of us are thinking some version of these.

Now, insert the word “you” into these sentences.

You’re so gross.

You’re so obnoxious.

No one likes you.

You’re so behind.

You’ll never get this.

Everyone is better at this than you.

What’s wrong with you?

Why can’t you be more like…?

I wish you were different.

Can you imagine saying these things to someone else?!

Of course not.

Then why would you talk to yourself like this?


Our self-talk programs our brain.

It tells our brain who we are, what we are capable of, and how to show up in the world.

Those programs are not helpful.

We all have these outdated, unhelpful programs running in the background.

Become aware of them and decide right now to never talk to yourself like this again.

It’s a game-changer.

The thoughts will still come up. They’re habitual until you create new habits.

You just compassionately answer them with, “I used to think that, but I don’t talk to myself like that anymore.”

You can reprogram your brain with useful thoughts, but you must do it intentionally.

Notice the current thoughts.

Gently question them. Is that true? Is that useful? Is that kind?

Decide to think differently.

The quality of your life depends on how compassionate you are to yourself.

Take the time to do this. You’re worth it.

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