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  • Writer's pictureMarcy Kocher

What You’re Really Afraid Of

What if I fail?

Why is the thought of failure so scary?

I don’t think it’s the actual outcome of failure that we are afraid of.

I think it’s what you will make the failure mean about you and how you will talk to yourself.

You aren’t really afraid of failure - you’re afraid of how you will feel.

We try something new. We fail. We beat ourselves up. We feel awful. We quit.

Some of us have figured out the secret of accomplishment from a place of peace and love and maybe even fun.

We fail and feel fine because we tell ourselves, good job for trying. I’m figuring this out. I’m one step closer.

We feel proud and motivated.

We understand that failing is a normal part of life.

It’s the process of learning.


When babies are learning to walk, they need to fail repeatedly.

The act of falling and pushing themselves up build the muscles that will equip them to walk.

It’s part of the process.

Without the falling, without the failure, they would never build up the strength to achieve the goal of walking.

And how do we talk to babies who are trying to walk?

Do we criticize them? Do we tell them they are never going to get this?

Do we call them stupid or lazy or say, who do you think you are?

Of course not.

We say, good job! Keep trying! I’m so proud of you! Yay! Almost there! You can do it!


We feel bad because of the way we talk to ourselves.

We quit trying because we want to feel some relief.

So, if what your brain is really afraid of is your self-talk, what’s the solution?

Commit to never beating up on yourself again.

You can decide today to change the way you talk to yourself.

It takes practice and time to build a new relationship with you,

a relationship built on trust, kindness, and love.

But it takes one second to decide.

Take the first step today.

You can do it. Keep trying. I’m so proud of you. You’ve got this!


If you’re ready to create your best year yet, I would love to support you!

I teach my clients how to create more confidence, freedom, and love.

They have better relationships with themselves and with others all while learning to accomplish their dreams from a place of peace and ease.

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