• Marcy Kocher

How to Reconnect

Are you feeling a little out of sync with your partner, family, or friends?


Passing like ships in the night. Only talking about business?


Who needs to do what, go where, what time?


A little stale? Not feeling the love?


Sometimes we can get caught in the trap of functioning in relationships rather than connecting in them.


It’s typical in our go go go society.


We’re busy, and it seems fairly benign, but …


If we aren’t intentional, the long-term consequences can be dire and slowly lead to disconnection, resentment, and destruction of the very thing you once held as most important.


We must consciously remember what matters most.


People. Loved ones. Relationships.


They are the reason why we do everything else.


And yet we forget and put “everything else” before them.


Don’t let this happen to you.


And if it has, it’s not too late.


At any moment, we can decide to change our lives.


It’s what I help people do every day.



Sometimes we don’t even know what’s possible.


We don’t take the time to wonder, dream, or create.


Take five minutes today and ask yourself these questions.


Who is most important to you?


Why?


What would your dream relationship with them look like?


What’s in your control? (Hint, it’s much more than you think.)


What’s one thing you could do today to create this dream relationship?


 

Here are a few suggestions:


Ask, don’t tell. It’s a powerful tool to help build trust, respect, and love.


Be curious and compassionate instead of judgmental and critical.

Assume the best.

They probably have excellent reasons for what they are doing. Ask them.


Plan some time to be with them without an agenda.

Remember when you used to love just being with them?

It’s because of what you were thinking about them and your relationship.

Remember those thoughts on purpose. Give them new life.


Accept and love them for who they are.

How are they amazing right now?


 

We often think the other person needs to change for us to have a better relationship.


Guess what? They’re probably thinking the same thing about you.


The irony is, safety is a prerequisite for change.


And when someone wants you to be different than you are, that doesn’t feel very safe, does it?


When we begin to love and accept each other, change is the natural consequence.


Safety allows us to become more of who we really are.


Think of things you love about the other person.

Train your brain to look for them.

They are there, hidden behind their self defenses.


When you find them, tell them, and those defenses will gradually lower and the good stuff will grow.

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